Jokes On You
by emptyvoices
Summary: Parody of some of the storylines between Rachel and the Joker. Was just having a bit of fun and I mean no offense by any of it.


Ever so quietly at night, Rachel Daws lay in bed unable to sleep remembering the previous night's thrills when the Joker entered the Fundraiser which she considered the beginning of their relentless attraction. Despite the fact that she was engaged to the DA and was being pursued by the billionaire, Bruce Wayne whom was also Batman, she found that she'd rather be with the Joker in whatever remote dingy hideout he was using.

Rachel sighed. "Oh Joker, please find me." She knew it was wrong but it felt so right and if something feels right, well then, how could it be wrong? From the first time they met when he held a knife to her throat threatening to cut for her the same scars he had, she thought that was incredibly thoughtful. "At least we'll have that much more in common." Sure, being tossed off the high rise was not particularly pleasant but she was certain the Joker was merely joking. She shook her head and laughed. "That is so like him." Even with all the people he killed, she was sure deep down he was a decent guy because after all underneath the clown paint, she knew he was gorgeous and therefore redeemable. Somehow that always makes sense, doesn't it?

She hadn't meant anyone like the Joker since Jonathan Crane and well, she had been certain with Crane's gorgeous, intense, pale blue eyes that he deep down would be good too. But he failed to notice all the extremely subtle signs of interest she was giving him and then he actually tried to kill her! Rachel shrugged, "Oh well, you win some, you lose some."

It was three in the morning and Rachel got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to once again indulge in her routine of making scrambled eggs because…. Oh wait, that's another character. Rachel got dressed and decided to go on a walk in the middle of the night thinking the Narrows would be a perfectly lovely place to visit.

She strolled along and then suddenly felt nervous by all the glances people were giving her and began to ponder whether walking into the most dangerous part of the city was the best idea. Before she could ponder whether to turn around, a white (or grey van, whatever meets your fancy) with no windows, drove up alongside her and stopped.

"Oh" Rachel exclaimed. "Whoever could that be?" She stood on the sidewalk for a while trying to figure it out as the occupants inside took ten minutes to gather weapons and so forth from within.

Men with clown masks on jumped out with the most awesome Joker following behind. He grabs Rachel as she stares at him in wonder and takes his knife out and hold it to her cheek. "Why so serious?" He asks.

Rachel's felt her heart racing with excitement at being close to the Joker in all his sexy hotness. "Well," She says as she feels the blade starting to cut into her cheek. "Despite all the people you killed, I can really tell you're not a bad person. You were probably just abused as a child and that excuses all your crimes somehow." She reaches for him and kisses him. The Joker licks his lips (apparently he must do this all the time). He kisses her back while all his criminal friends watch in wonder.

The Joker sighs. "I thought the only way to have fun before was to kill people and cause complete chaos but with you by my side, I know I can change."

Rachel nods eagerly. "I know you can too. Now take me to your hideout and we'll have some hot passionate sex while discussing plans for your reformation."

They go back to his Warehouse and have glorious sex and Rachel feels utterly complete. That is, until the Joker suddenly puts a cloth over her mouth and everything goes black.

She wakes up only to find herself on the roof of a building surrounded by canisters of C-4 attached to a bomb. In front of her is a sticky note. "The jokes on you."

Rachel shakes her head and sighs. "He was always such the kidder." With only seconds to go before the bomb detonates as she overhears Harvey yelling over the speaker phone, she shakes her head in obvious pain. "Once more, my heart's broken." She shrugs. "Oh well." The bomb detonates.

The Joker watches the building go up in flames and licks his lips and smiles grotesquely as he waves before retreating. "Goodnight lover."

**I couldn't resist writing a little oneshot making fun of some of these pairings of Rachel and these OC's. This is the first of this kind so I'm not sure if you guys will even like it but hey, it was fun for me to do and it's been a while since I wrote anything period.**

**I of course do not own Batman, the Joker or anything else but I loved the movies and feel sorry that Heath Ledger cannot reprise his role in the next film. **


End file.
